Upon becoming a mother, your life truly changes; in all ways you never knew. It is normal to a mourn a loss of life. For how long? It is different for everyone.
I'm not saying I am still in the mourning period but I do have my days. I mourn my previous life sometimes.
It has been 9 months and 17 days since I began writing this new chapter of my life.
In my previous chapter of life; I was a free spirit, career- oriented, life of the party, stayed up late, slept in even later, sometimes flaky but also a totally committed to friendships, and even had selfish tendencies. I had all the time for myself and my husband.
Now I am more schedule oriented, baby oriented, trying new things, going to bed early and waking up earlier, and always late to places. I am even more committed to good friends, more patient, more organized (sometimes). I wear less makeup and often don't have time to do my hair. I almost never have time to myself and when I do, I am thinking of the baby.
Despite all these things. I now know what real life is. I know what it means to walk the earth with an extension of my own body innocent in this world. I know what it is to be constantly worried, but feel pure joy and excitement over the little things. I know how to let little things go. I know what it means to sacrifice.
Most importantly I know that I would never give it up for the world. Being a mom and experiencing the things I have in the last 9 months and 17 days will never be better than what I experienced In the previous 28 years of my life. So I open this new chapter without regret but with anticipation and excitement. God wrote this chapter and for once I feel like I am walking the path he laid for me. I will stumble along the way, but I will not stray. He sacrificed for us, so I am here to sacrifice my all for the well-being of my child. I have been truly blessed with the opportunity to raise Finn.
Thoughts from a pondering mind originally written on April 5th, 2011
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